Atomizer - Big Black

(1986 - Homestead)

Jordan Minnesota – Starting off the album as fast and harsh as possible, the quiet, delayed shrieks and growling accent the disturbing, driving basslines and fast, staccato drumming. May I say, also, that I love when vocalists distort their voices into unintelligible, staticy huffing. 6/10

Passing Complexion – This sounds like a J-pop song after its been molested by the Unabomber and nailed up on a cross in town square – then the vocalist starts screaming at me angrily. 7/10

Big Money – The guitar tones here are so enigmatic to me. Usually I hate noobs that turn the treble up on basses, but not here. Maybe the super fuzzed up guitar and the relentless drum beat changes something about that. The vocalist stays angry, and also keeps the delay on his voice, making him sound like he’s fading away into some sort of telling sexual dream about my elementary school teacher. 6/10

Kerosene – Starts of with some very strange improved percussions, then adds a very steady, dark bassline. The guitar that comes in sounds like its dying. The vocalist sounds more calm – probably because he’s huffing kerosene. Shit’ll fuck you up. 7/10

Bad Houses – What are these guys using for a drum set? The guitarist is using the kind of reverb-phaser mix you hear on Nirvana’s Drain You. This vocalist is dealing with some deep personal issues. That’s what you get for playing D&D in the eighties. 6/10

Fists of Love – Title reminds me of the quote, “Never marry a woman you haven’t beaten in a fist fight.” Song starts off with what sounds like a woman getting violently raped inside a giant tin can. Guitar has a lot of retro chorus-flange on it. After a couple songs of breaking from it, the vocalist starts yelling at me again. 6/10

Stinking Drunk – You can tell by the way the drums are recorded in this song that this album was released in the 80’s, or someone is trying really hard to make it sound that way (see A Place To Bury Strangers). “Like fighting, like sex, like a kick in the bag. Think it's time got stinking drunk.” Also, they start torturing the guitar as though it were a Taiwanese hooker (again.) 6/10

Bazooka Joe – PTSD Vietnam vet? Maybe an uncle or older cousin.

Strange Things – Stranger things have been on this album. This is just a bunch of ROTC nerds helling “HEY!” at me.

Cables – Nice tortured guitar intro again. Pretty sure it’s illegal to do that to a woman. Then this song explodes with a bunch of wall-of-sound noise and the same drum line that’s used in half this album. This one was recorded live, so you can hear the 5 people in the audience clap after their finished punishing them with noise. 6/10

You know those guys you see with their tight, bleached jeans too high and their plan white tees tucked in and their 4-inch thick glasses with 2 inch thick rims, crew cuts, and 10 dead women in their basement? It’s okay, their dad was an alcoholic war vet who demanded they be real men instead of Krogbath, their lvl 20 half-orc barbarian. Well, those guys made a band in the 80’s to vent all their noisy, discordant wrath and daddyhate. S’pretty good shit.

Verdicto: 6/10

Ompa til du dør - Kaizers Orchestra

(2001-Broiler Farm)

1. "Kontroll på kontinentet" (Control over the Continent)
Kaizers' debut album begins with a driving, forceful number. "Kontroll" starts off a bit rough, but one could argue that the song's charm lies in hearing it coalesce. My one complaint lies in Ottesen's nigh-shouted vocals.
8/10

2. "Ompa til du dør" (Dance 'till you Die)
The title track is a tricky number. Starting with a screechy little riff, "Ompa" morphs rather quickly into a jazzy little orgasm, culminating in a chorus that can't quite compete and a second verse that's so starkly minimalist that it feels out of place. Probably a minute longer than it needs to be.
7/10

3. "Bøn fra helvete" (Prayer from Hell)
The vocals carry "Bøn" through myriad metric and stylistic changes, none of which fail to entertain. The end result is eclectic, but worth every second.
9/10

4. "170"
"170" is easily my personal favorite off the album. The instrumentals are deliciously intricate, and definitely some of the best Kaizers have ever put out. The vocals are simply perfect, being half-sung, half-cried out in pure military fashion, suiting the "War is Hell" vibe of the song. I can't find a single second of this song that I am not fully, literally in love with. I would marry this song.
10/10

5. "Rulett" (Roulette)
A bit on the short side, and the vocals are a bit rough-around-the-edges. Dig that chorus, though.
7/10

6. "Dr. Mowinckel"
Pretty generic sounding overall. Predictable chorus.
6/10

7. "Fra sjåfør til passasjer" (From Driver to Passenger)
Beautiful melody. Great vocals. A touch longer than I'd have it, ideally.
8/10

8. "Resistansen" (The Resistance)
I adore the conspiratorial whisper Ottesen adopts for the verses of this one, and it's certainly grand to hear him shift to the swift revelry of the chorus with a dramatic flair rarely seen. Definitely a solid number.
9/10

9. "Dekk Bord" (Set the Table)
Meh verse, bitchin' chorus. For once I prefer Zahl's vocals to Ottesen's.
7/10

10. "Bak et halleluja" (Behind a Hallelujah)
Short, sweet, and fun to listen to.
8/10

11. "Bris" (Breeze)
Almost mournful to a fault, "Bris" is really just a bitter, older "170" after most of the spark is kicked out of it by a life full of bad decisions. That said, the brief, fleeting moments of life are goddamned radiant.
9/10

12. "Mr. Kaizer, hans Constanze og meg" (Mr. Kaizer, his Constanze and I)
An odd choice for the album, the song sounds a bit off the cuff. Kaizers are talented enough to make it fun to listen to, like "Bak et halleluja", but it becomes a chore by second listen.
7/10

Sweet
+Excellent instrumentals.
+Superb vocals
+Cool as hell lyrics

Sour
-Rough as all hell

Final:
A number of hits, a couple of misses. All in all, "Ompa" is remarkable as a debut album, and I would heartily recommend giving it a listen.
8/10

Incesticide - Nirvana

(1992 - DGC)

Dive – In true Nirvana-style, this song features a very dirty, catchy bassline accented with very sharp but not shrill lead guitar parts from Kurt. “Dive in me” is the catchline here, the song seemingly to be about a desperate groupy wanting Kurt’s junk in her superhard. Prolly Courtney.  6/10

Sliver – Ah yes. I too have fantasized about recounting a completely uneventful evening spent with my grandparents in a scathing grunge ballad. The instrumentals in this one drive harder than in Dive, but have some very clean bits. 8/10

Stain – This song sounds like Deathmetal played through a grunge filter. Lyrics seem to be about feeling like a persistent, worthless debaser within society. 6/10

Been A Son – Never really liked this song. The instrumentals are pretty generic for Nirvana, but the lyrics are pretty deep. I too should have been a son. 4/10

Turnaround – Here we go. This is one of those songs you play at a show when you’re failing epically and need everyone to get the fuck up and do some heavy poppin’ and lockin’. Really a “shut up and fuck me” sort of song, but also a heavily satirical political piece. 6/10

Molly’s Lips – I love songs about women. I also like kissing women.  7/10

Son of a Gun – This one reminds me a lot of mid-nineties post-grunge bands like Simple Plan and Weezer. Nirvana went really post-themselves with it. 6/10

(New-wave) Polly – I really dislike this track – mostly because it just sounds like a very rushed, unrefined version of the previously released version. 2/10

Beeswax – One of the best tracks this band ever released. “I got my diddley splayed” has to be the best chorus ever, the other lyrics are completely unintelligible, as well as violently sexual (all the best lyrics are) and the instrumentals are VERY classic Nirvana. Hear my fuckin’ hate. 10/10

Downer – This album has a lot of cool bass intros. Kurt does this weird, fast punk-mumbling in this song. This song is probably the most political on the album, sort of combining Stain with Son of a Gun. 8/10

Mexican Seafood – Title makes me nauseous. Most of Kurt’s lyrics sound like he’s about to throw up, which is awesome. 8/10

Hairspray Queen – Another cool bass intro, then a really retro Fender-ish guitar part I really like. The notes on the vocals in this song are eeeeverywhere. It’s a very emotional song, in an “I’m so doped up on heroine I cant feel my face” sort of way. 7/10

Aero Zeppelin – My kind of ballad – a song about how shitty the mainstream, generic, heteronormitive world is. Song is simpler musically, but not to an extent this album hasn’t already seen by this point. 6/10

Big Long Now – That’s what she said. Really slows it down for you on this one. Reminds me of a friend of mine and his love interest trying to have sex while robotripping, but ending up just throwing up all over themselves and passing out on each other in their own filth. 7/10

Aneurysm – Great track. The intro is so powerful and driving – the epitome of grunge excellence. You can really feel the hate in this one. Lyrics are about heroine overdoses and how fun they are. 9/10

This is Nirvana for Nirvana fans. If you’ve ever only heard Nevermind and think the Nirvana sound stops at Smells Like Teen Spirit and Heart-Shaped Box, go kill yourself. You have not experienced true grunge, and deserve all deaths horrific. This band’s been around since the eighties – get with it or go home and cut yourself to some My Chemical Romance, Faggo.

Verdicto: 9/10